'Twas the Night Before the Election

Twas the night before the Election, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The early ballots had all been mailed out
In hopes that Obama would make it a rout.

When out on the lawn there arose such a racket
I sprang from the bed 'cause I just couldn't hack it!
I went to the window and let out a shriek
There's Cindy McCain, and there's Palin, how weak!

I yelled Hey you two, get the heck off my grasses!
There's no way I'm voting for your sorry asses!
When, what to my wondering eyes should show up,
But the Straight Talk Express, and some dumb plumber schmuck

With a little old driver, so gnarly and bald
It was clear right away that his campaign had stalled
With stubborn reluctance conservatives came
Though he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

Now Romney, now Dobson, now Gingrich and Huck!
On Rove, Giuliani, and Limbaugh (that f*ck)!
I know that I'm not your most favorite dude
But thanks to George Bush, our whole party is screwed!

He played them a montage wherein he was the hero,
And pinned on the medals he'd kept stashed in his bureau
The old party faithful fell glumly in line
"We're not sure we trust him" their pundits all whined

But then John pulled Sarah from some frozen chasm
And those uptight right-wingers 'bout had an orgasm!
She quipped and she winked like some Eskimo cupid,
But unfortunately, she was incredibly stupid.

Before they knew it, their prospects were shot
And their hapless campaign had them tied in a knot
They bumbled and grumbled, went on the attack,
But no matter what, they just couldn't bounce back

After eight years of Bush, Condoleeza, and Dick
We were sick of the lies, and the wars, and the tricks!
The nation's a shambles, after eight years of slime
Your maverick bullsh*t just won't cut it this time!

McCain's eyes didn't twinkle, his aspect was grim
Politically, he was way out on a limb
His pale little mouth was drawn up in a smirk
That washed-up backstabbing republican jerk

They got back on the bus, a dispirited crew
With just hours remaining, what else they could do?
They sure didn't count on Barack H. Obama
Our next president made 'em run home to Mama!

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